To recap, we have looked at your self-sabotaging behaviours and you’ve identified the one or two or three or more that you already like to participate in. Secondly, you have already looked at your self-limiting beliefs and you’ve had a go at trying to reframe them to something more positive. Now, today I want to talk to you about one other and one of the many techniques I use with my clients to help them stop sabotaging. And this particular one is really useful in gaining perspective because I’m asking you to think beyond the thing you’re trying to achieve. We’re going to talk about the greater impact of your goal. Now, if you remember from video two, I talked about Zoe and her career development. She stepped up into a senior leadership role. So if we can use her as an example, okay, then you can apply any of these to yourself or the people that you know in your own life.
For Zoe it was a huge achievement to work with me for months to get her head around. I can’t possibly even go for that job or apply for that job because I won’t get it to applying for it and getting it successfully. She’s now a successful senior senior leader and absolutely really enjoying it. So her original goal was “Jess, I’m coming to you because I want to step into a senior senior leadership role and I don’t feel I have the capacity to do that right now”. And she didn’t. She lacked the self-belief. But the impact of her making that decision to stop sabotaging herself and get out of her own way was threefold. Let’s say not only does she enjoy stepping into the senior senior leadership role but she also managed to develop a team of people around her. Now, Zoe has particularly excellent emotional intelligence skills. She’s empathic, she’s sensitive, she’s caring.
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So she is bringing a whole lot of empathy and love and support to the people… there were three times many people reporting to her. So she now brings those qualities as a leader to those people in her team, who inevitably they are enjoying work more. Because of it, that ripple effect also ripples into their families and their communities, at home, et cetera. And if we consider the impact on Zoe’s partner, life-long partner, have been living together for a couple of decades, and finally because of Zoe’s (I’m trying to get her name right, I’m trying not to tell you her real name) stepped into this leadership role, her salary was increased. Great, they have more disposable income or whatever. But more than that, when Zoe first came to me with such lack of self-belief, she obviously knew she could do it because she felt ready to try but there was still this kind of whole brick wall around her of self- kind of self-protection and now knowing whether she really could try.
She wanted to, she wanted to have the confidence to try but she wasn’t sure whether she will be capable of doing it. So that is another way in which she can have a broader impact on the people around her. She’s much happier. She’s much happier. You know how it feels when you conquered something. You know how it feels when you achieved that one thing you’ve been trying to achieve. So the impact on getting out of your own way and acting in your best interest is phenomenal and can be two, three, fourfold. I’m sure we can think of broader impacts, so that’s your challenge for today. Not just to focus on the thing that you are trying to achieve, although at the moment not successfully, that’s fine, you’ll get there, but to focus on the broader impact. Once you’ve achieved that, what is the impact on other people going to be? And that’s how I want you to write it down. Once I have achieved A, B, C, the broader impact of that is maybe on yourself, on the way you feel, maybe directly if there’s monetary income reward related to that, or if there is a sense of achievement, if there’s sense of self-respect.
Maybe it’s, other people’s support and respect from other people that you don’t feel you have right now but you’ve kind of want to prove to them that you can do this thing. Maybe it’s because you’re much happier and you have more confidence you can also help other people feel happier and more confident. You can start supporting them even more than you could before because you got so much more to give. And et cetera, et cetera. So the list is endless. But I want you think wholeheartedly and very seriously about this piece of the exercise because it’s more than you. This thing you want to achieve is more than just you. It might seem ego-driven at the time, but it’s not. It’s going to have a huge, beautiful, positive impact once you start to achieve it.
So that’s your challenge for today. Drop me a note in the comments below, tell me how far you’ve got. Tell me what’s working for you. Tell me the impact this goal is going to have when you have achieved it because I know you can. Now, also let me do a couple of other things in this video, ’cause I know it. I know procrastination. I know self-sabotaging extremely well which is why I talk about it from the heart, which is why I’m so keen and eager to help other people move through it. Now, I know one thing for sure, is that you’re going to be sitting there and you’re probably going to be thinking, oh, it’s just so difficult. I can’t possibly do this by myself. And a million other excuses are going to come up for you. That’s normal, okay? Keep writing those down or pop them in the comments below. What other limiting self-beliefs are going to come up as a result of you trying to do these exercises? And secondly, I know the irony, okay, behind this message. I’m trying to help people who self-sabotage, but people are self-sabotaging because they don’t believe they can be helped.
So I’m in a really tricky position. I want to help people who are self-sabotaging, but those people who are self-sabotaging don’t believe they can be helped. Are you with me? Okay, you felt like that, right? You felt frustrated. But guess what? I do have an eight-week online course. It is part of the solution. And it’s amazing. It will take you step-by-step, breaking down gently and compassionately, with so much compassion, each step through breaking your own self-sabotaging behaviours, taking a look at the self-limiting beliefs, pulling them apart, understanding where they’re from, maybe doing some forgiving and some letting go. Maybe finding out how you can move forward, what needs to change for you to move forward. Maybe it’s about other people.
Maybe it’s about forgiving yourself. Then we move forward into steps like, and scientifically and evidence-based steps like disputation and breaking self-sabotaging behaviours using a number of different tools and techniques that I’ve tried myself and used plenty of times on over hundreds of women over the last 10 years in my coaching practise and in my face-to-face events. And I know it can help you if you want it. But, honey, you’re going to have to want it, ’cause I know it’s so easy to sit there and feel afraid. Feel afraid that actually this can’t work for you. ‘How can it possibly help me?’ ‘I’ve tried everything before’. ‘I’ve read a 100 self-help books and nothing has worked for me before.’ ‘I even had a coach and that didn’t help me’. I know it. I know it, and it sucks to believe that, but that’s your Inner Critic messing with you. Excellent noticing! Write that one down. That’s just limiting self-belief messing with you. You can be helped. You can get through this.
You do have the capacity to achieve this goal you’ve set for yourself. Now is your time to try. Now is your time to try. You just have to. You do, you just have to have a go, and you just have to enjoy this part of your journey. And all the people I’ve helped before and all the people have come through my online courses have each said, the sense of community and the support that they have felt from other people going through the same stuff or similar stuff has been phenomenal. And so that’s why I run this eight-week online course. It’s a community. It’s like a community for secret self-sabotagers. This is a place where we can say what’s going on our heads without any judgement , without feeling bad. In fact it helps to say it out loud. It helps to feel supported and it helps to feel understood. Now, what about if you’re thinking to yourself, oh well, I probably won’t even see this eight weeks through. That’s quite a long time. I can’t see anything through, why bother? Well, what do you think I’m going to say to that? Yes, that’s just your Inner Critic messing with you. That’s your limiting self-belief. That’s the very thing you need to be challenging right now.
And should you wish to, come with me, join us. The eight-week course starts soon and you’ll be hearing all about it in the next email, so look out for that. But if nothing else, take away from these three videos the fact that you can change, the fact that you are not flawed or broken or anything negative at all, whatsoever. That is just your Inner Critic. That’s just your limiting self-belief. Please take with you the practical tools we’ve talked about. So, identifying your self-sabotaging behaviours, identifying your limiting self-beliefs and then moving into action remembering that this goal that you’ve set for yourself has a much broader and more positive impact than just you. And that’s why you need to take action. That you deserve it, you owe it to yourself and maybe even other people too. So leave me comments down below. Let me know how this goes for you. What’s the impact of your goal right now? And leave me any questions you’ve got too. I’d love to hear from you. Take care, until next time. Bye.
LEVEL UP – starts October 17th 2019
Because you deserve to enjoy your journey
- Your personal Psychological Profile that details your personal values and your character strengths
- Practice proven strategies to stop procrastinating and other self-sabotaging behaviours
- Master time-management and become super-productive
- Achieve your goal(s) without stress, overwhelm, or guilt
- Learn to say no, be more assertive and protect your boundaries
A Coaching Programme with Heart
p.s. Any questions?