Congratulations!!!. . . because you are much more resilient than you thought you were!
Celebrate that for a moment. Please. Because you’re probably vastly underestimating how well you are coping.
REASONS TO CELEBRATE
Perhaps you have spent a lot more time giving and supporting others, and have realised how much of that care and kindness you need for yourself.
Perhaps you’ve realised a whole new way of working which has enriched your life in some unexpected way.
Since moving to the sticks 4 years ago I’ve been working online from my loft-office, and zoom has been my best business buddy – we spend a lot of time together. But I never realised how powerful it was until I recently ran a live webinar on the Imposter Syndrome for 764 people. Without tech issues!
I’ve also had some small moments of magic amidst the trauma this year, for which I’m truly grateful.
RESILIENCE HERE & NOW
But I don’t want to dwell on the year that has been, instead we should stay focused on the here and now, and the best way to build resilience is to focus only on the things we can control or influence. Sometimes it’s difficult to assert yourself – especially when you’re putting others first or relied upon to be the problem-solver, helper, or trouble-shooter. I’ve written out an exercise for you below, it’s part of my Resilience and Mindfulness training programme and really useful at any time, particularly in the stressful moments when it’s easy to feel like you have few or no options.
5 THINGS YOU CAN CONTROL OR INFLUENCE
What situation or relationship is bugging you right now? It could be an uncomfortable relationship, a project deadline, perhaps you are self-sabotaging in a myriad of ways. If there are a few things on your list, just think of one thing for now, and come back to do the rest later.
Consider what specifically is challenging about this situation or relationship. Write out the detail. Getting things down on to a laptop or journal is the easiest way to work with it.
Now consider the things in this scenario that you
a) Want to change – list or map out the details (e.g. your boss likes to embarrass you in front of others)
b) List the elements that you can’t change (e.g. your bosses personality)
c) Write out the things that you think you can change (e.g. your attitude towards your boss)
d) List the elements that you can’t change but you can influence (e.g.the decisions your boss makes about your work)
Review what you’ve written and decide:
a) What are the things you have to ACCEPT about this situation? Save your energy and move on!
b) What are the things you can take ACTION upon? Practical, specific and useful steps (check out my 47 Productivity Hacks)
c) What can you ALTER? Your approach, your attitude, or influencing others
d) What do you need to AVOID? Maybe you need to close down communication with a toxic friend, or stay away from a triggering situation until you feel stronger. Sometimes though, avoiding things can only make it worse.
Hit reply and let me know what your answers are to Step 3 and 4, or to ask me any questions. I’m happy to elaborate on this seemingly simple yet powerful exercise.
STEP 5: WHAT’S NEXT?
I’m committed to doing that thing I get my coaching clients to do: show up consistently in your own life and for others, with courage, confidence, and compassion. It’s too easy to hide behind an IG post (@therealjessbaker) or curated FB feed.
You’re always on my mind. Yes, you! Whether it’s a blog on here, a mini-blog on Instagram, or a ‘new’ product that I’m designing (I wish I didn’t have ‘shiny object syndrome’ quite so much!). . . At the moment I’ve got a few offers you might like:
Lifestyle Review 2021 – Freebie
Because you CAN control and influence things! 2020 has had a huge impact on our mindset, family and work. And NOW is a great time to take stock and plan for your future. Get super-clear on what you want to be, do and have. You deserve to live your best life. Click here for more info and to download
Lifestyle Review 2021 – LIVE (£37)
Upgrade from the freebie and join me for a lively interactive one hour coaching call to plan your best 2021. You’ll get super-clear on what you want to be, do and have with my insights, tips, resources, and support. Plus a LIVE Q&A. Come! 29th Dec, 12noon GMT (replay available). Limited spaces! Book your spot here
Tame Your Inner Critic – Freebie
Coming sooooon! A delicious package of TYIC goodness based on, but not including the content of the LIVE programme.
Tame Your Inner Critic – LIVE (£37)
This 5 day challenge has been an amazingly popular programme (over 1,000 participants). And I adore running it. I’m even excited for January 18th just by writing this now. But as part of my own business journey, I’ve made the decision to no longer running this for free. From the reviews, it’s clear that the results have been phenomenal, and I’ve loved giving it away for so long. But, even if you haven’t been through it, that pricing this 9th round at £37 is still an absolute bargain for all the content, support and huge positive impact on your life that you can get from it. For info and to book, go here
Now, I’m off to make Nigella’s amazingly tart cranberry sauce (they’ll probably be a photo of it on Insta later), and watch The Muppets Christmas Carol for the hundredth time.
Whatever you’re up to this Christmas, I wish you and your loved ones a restful and re-energising break.
My wish for you for 2021
May you have the courage to take action,
the confidence to see it through,
and the self-compassion to warm your heart.
Be super-kind to yourself
Jess Baker CPsychol, AFBPsS
ps. join me and others on the live Lifestyle Review coaching session next week, come in your onesie, bring a journal and a cuppa, and plan your way into 2021. Book your spot here
pps. As you know, I work as a Trustee with a girls/young women charity called BeleveUK. Our mission is to empower girls with the confidence and skills to be our future leaders. In this unprecedented year, many girls will miss out on basic things like sanitary products, opening gifts, or the chance of celebrating over a delicious family meal this Christmas. We are providing as many girls as possible with these items until the end of the year, and if you could please consider supporting this fundraiser with any amount, that would be amazing – thank you! ❤