And I’m whispering because I want to talk about something that we don’t normally talk about. Self-sabotaging. You know, that thing you do when you get in your own way. You know, you set yourself a goal and you’re really excited about achieving it and then all of the sudden before you even get around to implementing it, the self-doubt has kicked in. And then so you just think, oh actually, maybe I can’t do it, or maybe I can’t do it to the best of my ability. Or maybe it’s not the right thing to do anyway, maybe I should do something completely different.
So I want to help you to understand that, one, you’re not the only person to ever self-sabotage, okay. There are loads of us out there doing it all the time. We just don’t know about it. It’s like the secret self-sabotaging club. So, I want to tell you about self-sabotaging behaviours, the most common ones. And then I’m going to talk you through how to get out of the self-sabotaging cycle. Are you ready?
Now, if you’ve turned up the volume turn it back down again because I’m going to slowly raise my voice and start speaking normally again. How are you self-sabotaging right now? There are four different behaviours that we tend to use when we’re self-sabotaging. I recently ran a survey and 90% of the people that said ‘yes, I self-sabotage’ said they procrastinate. And guess what, 70% of those who said they procrastinate said they also do one of the other self-sabotaging behaviours. So we can be really creative when we’re self-sabotaging. We don’t just stick to one method, we might do plenty more.
So, you know that procrastination is simply delaying or putting something off. A second way is to find a distraction task. Now it might be an errand or chore that needs to be done. It’s actually quite useful to get it done, but it’s completely irrelevant to the goal that you’ve set yourself.
A third way is to do more research. Have you ever got to the place where you’ve had a really exciting idea, you really want to start this project, but ooh, I’ll just ask a few more people about their opinion or their experience of this thing because otherwise I won’t know that I’m developing the best answer or the best solution or the best product for them. So you go off and you do more research, which inevitably, delays taking action.
A fourth way in which most of us self-sabotage is waiting for permission. Now this one goes deep, but do you get that? Do you know the sense of kind of waiting for someone to say it’s okay for you to move forward now, it’s okay to do this, okay to try.
Sometimes we put ourselves under so much pressure to do things perfectly or to such a high standard that we feel that we’re not enough. That we can’t possibly do it to that high standard. So we’re always like a pupil or a child waiting for permission from somebody else, an adult in the room. We forget that we are the adult now, completely entitled to move forward and take action and act in our own best interest.
I would love to know how you’re currently self-sabotaging and I would love to start the conversation, because it’s so important. I don’t know about you, but whenever I have procrastinated, I feel so rubbish. I feel isolated, I feel like I’m the only one, I feel like I can’t talk about it because the shame builds up in my tummy like this kind of big, warm sponge, and it’s horrible.
If for nothing but for somebody else, comment below, let me know how you might have procrastinated or self-sabotaged in the past, or how you are currently self-sabotaging yourself. In the survey that I ran recently, loads of other really creative things came up. Like one person said that she tends to seek out other peoples drama so that she can help them because it’s much easier to help others than it is to help herself. Fascinating. So tell me below, write in the comments and let’s start this conversations. It’s really important to blow the lid off this one. And I look forward to seeing you in the next video. In the next video I’m going to be talking all about our self-limiting beliefs and why we self-sabotage.
And also, I’ll be talking to you about how to break the self-sabotaging behaviour. But I want you take a key takeaway from this particular video, and that is that you are not alone. We all do it, it’s the secret self-sabotaging club. Okay, so take care of yourself. Watch the second video so I can help you get into action and to actually begin to feel like you can take control of your life and I look forward to seeing you again. Take care, cheers.
LEVEL UP – starts October 17th 2019
Because you deserve to enjoy your journey
- Your personal Psychological Profile that details your personal values and your character strengths
- Practice proven strategies to stop procrastinating and other self-sabotaging behaviours
- Master time-management and become super-productive
- Achieve your goal(s) without stress, overwhelm, or guilt
- Learn to say no, be more assertive and protect your boundaries
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p.s. Any questions?