The Empathy Eclipse
~ The real reason nice people get shat on by others at work.
The Empathy Eclipse is a subtle pattern I see again and again in competent, conscientious and caring leaders who are great at what they do, they are trusted by others, and they relied on far more than they are recognised.
So what could be the problem?
Most people experiencing the Empathy Eclipse know exactly what they think. They prepare thoroughly. They understand their work. They have strong judgement and sound instincts. On the surface, nothing looks wrong.
But in certain moments, especially when someone reacts, interrupts, challenges, withdraws, or offers feedback, something small but significant happens internally.
Their attention shifts outward …
Instead of staying anchored in their own perspective, the empathic person begins monitoring the other person. They tune into the other person’s emotional state, prioritise comfort over their own unease, soften their language, and quietly take on the role of keeping everything smooth.
Not intentionally. Purely habitually.
Empathy, which has always been their strength, starts to crowd out something else. Their own presence. Their own authority. Their own self trust.
Like a real eclipse, nothing actually disappears. Their clarity does not vanish. Their competence does not go anywhere. It is simply overshadowed for a moment by years of prioritising other people’s comfort over their own.
The Empathy Eclipse shows up in micro-moments:
Hesitating before speaking;
Rewording a sentence to sound nicer;
Letting a rude interruption slide;
Agreeing to something just to avoid tension;
Absorbing emotional weight that does not belong to them;
Deflecting praise;
Over-analysing feedback long after the conversation has ended.
(Re-read this list and if you have ticked any of them, please know this is not to judge you, I am here to help you).
Each moment feels small. Almost insignificant.
But together, they quietly shape how you are seen, and how you see yourself.
This is why so many empathic people find themselves labelled as helpful, supportive, reliable, and capable, yet overlooked for influence, authority, or progression. Not because they lack substance, but because they have learned to dim themselves just enough to keep everything calm.
Credibility does not leak through incompetence; it leaks through self-abandonment.
And no amount of confidence hacks, TedTalks, public speaking workshops, removing modifiers from your emails, or fake-it-’til-you-make-it BS fixes will work – because the issue is deeper than this performative stuff.
You do not lack confidence. When you are with your friends or loved ones you are bubbly, talkative, and funny. But when you are at work, or whenever you feel under pressure, your attention turns to others, and they become your priority.
The solution to the Empathy Eclipse is not becoming tougher, louder, less caring, or more like someone else.
The shift is learning how to stay with yourself in the moments that matter.
It is learning to notice the exact moment your empathy pulls you out of yourself and into someone else’s mood, reaction, or comfort. It is creating a fraction of space before you automatically soften, over-explain, apologise, agree too quickly, or step back.
In that space, you sit with your own view long enough to choose a response that is true to you, that you can deliver in a calm voice. You hold your ground elegantly, without turning it into a power struggle. You speak plainly without bubble-wrapping your points. You remain present in the room, even if someone interrupts, disapproves, or goes quiet.
And instead of second-guessing yourself the moment there is tension, you trust your judgement and let it stand, without rushing to justify it or smooth it over.
This is the Credibility Shift.
It is not about changing who you are. It is about stopping the quiet, habitual ways you disappear.
When empathy and self-trust are played together, your presence is felt differently. Your voice carries weight. Your presence expands. Your authority stabilises. You are seen as the reliable calm one – because that’s how you feel.
That is how credibility rebuilds. And that is the work I do.
If this resonates, here’s what you can do for yourself …
Download the FREE ✨CREDIBILITY CHECK-IN HERE
Access the ✨CREDIBILITY SHIFT – AUDIO JOURNEY HERE
Book the 1:1 intensive coaching session, the ✨ CREDIBILITY CATALYST HERE
Book a call with Jess to discuss how she can help you, using her online calendar: https://calendly.com/jessbaker/
Buy a copy of the award-winning book, The Super-Helper Syndrome: A Survival Guide for Compassionate People